I used to come from a place where I allow people and things to validate my worth. At the same time, I also allow others to guilt me into blaming myself, into saying sorry for what I do and for who I am. I allow others to make me feel sorry for myself, to make me think there’s something wrong with me that I must change so that I become a better person, a better friend. I allow a lot of should’s and must’s. I made so many changes to myself. While some of the changes were a necessary part of growing up and made me a better person, some just made me forget to love who I truly am.
I am fortunate to have met a few genuine people who have loved me, and have shown me that I am enough, that I am good, that I deserve love. That I can make mistakes and I will be understood. That I can be forgiven before having said sorry. That I can be loved –all of me and my brokenness.
I used to aim for achievements, wealth and material things to define my success. I used to believe that my success will denominate my worth. But when I took a leave from work and stopped earning, when I became full-time servant (aka stay-at-home mama), I have found my value intact and it is not attached to money nor anything material. My worth stays with me no matter the amount in my bank account.
I am 100% self-approved. I know my worth. I define it. I am who I am. I will not apologize for who I am. I am as imperfect as everybody. I will not compare or allow to be compared to anybody. I am enough. I deserve love. I don’t need to force myself into someone else’s definition of lovable in order to feel worthy of the love. I am loved. But loved or not, I will continue to strive to be loving and to love. I don’t need anybody’s emotions to dictate my own. I am my own. I am me. I love me. I approve me.